hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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