dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
