i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
