FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
