and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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