Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
