So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
