I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
