Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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