I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
