do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
