remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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