I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
