I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
