Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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