someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
