dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
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