Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
