my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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