Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i think i have two assholes
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
