my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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