and you said cock pushups were impossible
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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