If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize