at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize