Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
