too bad you live with your parents still
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
