Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
