I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
