It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
