i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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