So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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