Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
