Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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