Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
