What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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