Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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