Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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