I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
