Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
