pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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