so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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