i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I enjoy the company of your penis
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
