it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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