So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize