guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
