evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
