I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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