I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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