Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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