At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
