Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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