Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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