i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Did I show you my penis last night?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He keeps bees of course he's weird
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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