i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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