maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
