We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
