I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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