hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
