I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
