Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
