i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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