No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
