Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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