my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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