Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
