just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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