he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
