Apparently you make a good broom.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
