Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
