Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
