How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
