ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
