Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
this is an emotional support booty call
Randomize
