I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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