My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I am one with the molecules
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
