okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
