Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
