She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
