Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
